Merry Christmas a year later!
6 years ago
Friday, March 25, 2011
Monday, October 11, 2010
Then and Now...
My Dad was rarely around when I was growing up. I missed him a lot...and often times I would have to get in touch with a distant relative to find him again just so I could see and spend some time with him.
When my parents where married my Dad was not a very good husband or father. Week after week he would take his pay check earnings and go to the bar and we would see him again when it came time for work the next week. He would blow all of his paycheck on booze and who knows what else. We went without a lot of the basics.. clothing, food and several times housing. I can remember being next door at my grandparents home standing on the front porch, and our landlord and a couple of his crew guys, went into our home... and just started unloading our house. All of our belongings.. clothes, beds, furniture etc.. was thrown out onto the front lawn for non payment of rent.
With all of our things on the front lawn.. I remember seeing my mom crying hysterically. But I also remember seeing everyone in the neighborhood and people driving by our home stopping and taking whatever they wanted of our stuff.
After the weekend of drinking.. my dad would come home and give my mom $20. The $20 was to buy food for the week... enough food for 3 young kids and two adults.. and she was expected to bring him enough money back for gas to get back and forth to work. We lived on soup beans.
Thats just one "mini" story out of several more that I can remember from such a young age. (3 or 4 years old)
Fast forward to present day... A lot of people don't understand why I have anything to do with my Dad today. After growing up with out him, not having what we needed like food and in general just being a dad. I am number 2 out of 5 children, and I am the only one that has anything to do with my dad.
I have been judged, I have been "de-faced" on facebook because of my dad being one of my friends, I have been treated like an outsider by many.
I respect people and their choices about my dad. I don't talk about my Dad to anyone except my husband. It's sometimes hard to feel normal, or feel like I am part of the family when I am with my other siblings, I have to "watch what I say or what story I tell for fear of offending or getting anyone upset if I bring up my dad.
When I'm with my dad I don't have to worry about what I say.. if he brings up the past I am 100% honest with him about how I feel. I don't let him make excuses.
He wasn't there for me growing up.. and we will never get that time back...but what is important is that I know he is there for me now. Depression is not easy, I've been through it before and its been a lot harder than it is now, he listens to me when all I can do is cry.
I have learned... that forgiveness is important in life.. and its important to me. And if being treated like an outsider or being de-faced on facebook is all I have to go through.. then I think I'm doing pretty well.
When my parents where married my Dad was not a very good husband or father. Week after week he would take his pay check earnings and go to the bar and we would see him again when it came time for work the next week. He would blow all of his paycheck on booze and who knows what else. We went without a lot of the basics.. clothing, food and several times housing. I can remember being next door at my grandparents home standing on the front porch, and our landlord and a couple of his crew guys, went into our home... and just started unloading our house. All of our belongings.. clothes, beds, furniture etc.. was thrown out onto the front lawn for non payment of rent.
With all of our things on the front lawn.. I remember seeing my mom crying hysterically. But I also remember seeing everyone in the neighborhood and people driving by our home stopping and taking whatever they wanted of our stuff.
After the weekend of drinking.. my dad would come home and give my mom $20. The $20 was to buy food for the week... enough food for 3 young kids and two adults.. and she was expected to bring him enough money back for gas to get back and forth to work. We lived on soup beans.
Thats just one "mini" story out of several more that I can remember from such a young age. (3 or 4 years old)
Fast forward to present day... A lot of people don't understand why I have anything to do with my Dad today. After growing up with out him, not having what we needed like food and in general just being a dad. I am number 2 out of 5 children, and I am the only one that has anything to do with my dad.
I have been judged, I have been "de-faced" on facebook because of my dad being one of my friends, I have been treated like an outsider by many.
I respect people and their choices about my dad. I don't talk about my Dad to anyone except my husband. It's sometimes hard to feel normal, or feel like I am part of the family when I am with my other siblings, I have to "watch what I say or what story I tell for fear of offending or getting anyone upset if I bring up my dad.
When I'm with my dad I don't have to worry about what I say.. if he brings up the past I am 100% honest with him about how I feel. I don't let him make excuses.
He wasn't there for me growing up.. and we will never get that time back...but what is important is that I know he is there for me now. Depression is not easy, I've been through it before and its been a lot harder than it is now, he listens to me when all I can do is cry.
I have learned... that forgiveness is important in life.. and its important to me. And if being treated like an outsider or being de-faced on facebook is all I have to go through.. then I think I'm doing pretty well.
Crazy whiner lady story..
The crazy whiner lady is full of stories... here is a small bit of what i listen to each and every day...
She lives just over an hour away from Columbus, so she stays here in town with her elderly mother. Each day I have to be a total smart ass and ask her what she had for dinner the night before. I only ask her this because she is constantly complaining about what her mom cooked for dinner or some other meal. She complains that her mom can't see very good in her old age as her mom is 94 years old. So her mom has dinner on the table when she gets to her house after work.
"Mom cooked some sausage for dinner last night, and I know that sausage has been in the bottom drawer of her fridge for over two months now, I went ahead and ate it though, because she tries so hard"
"We had nasty frozen pizza for dinner last-night, I hate cheap frozen pizza"
"My stomach isn't feeling to good today, I have to keep running to the bathroom"
I'm always asking her... why did you eat it? why don't you throw out all the bad food and buy new?
Her responses' are usually.. It isn't my house. (umm but you eat meals there.. why not contribute to buying food?)
Each and every single day for lunch.. the crazy whiner lady sits directly acrossed the table from me... and each and every day she eats the same thing for lunch.
Yogurt- if it hasn't spoiled because she keeps it in her lunch tote all day until lunch.
mixed in the yogurt... soy nuts, craisins, and mixed nuts... all bought at a discount store near her home that have expiration dates to close for my comfort.
And each and every day... she asks all of us what we are having... and says Oh that looks good.. or tells us some story.
And we all have learned not to have seafood for lunch.. because we just can't take hearing about how she went fishing on her boat at the lake and caught a cat fish and it flipped up and one of the cat fish fin or wiskars things stuck in her neck and she has to go to the hospital for emergency surgery.
Crazy whiner lady must not get out much.
She lives just over an hour away from Columbus, so she stays here in town with her elderly mother. Each day I have to be a total smart ass and ask her what she had for dinner the night before. I only ask her this because she is constantly complaining about what her mom cooked for dinner or some other meal. She complains that her mom can't see very good in her old age as her mom is 94 years old. So her mom has dinner on the table when she gets to her house after work.
"Mom cooked some sausage for dinner last night, and I know that sausage has been in the bottom drawer of her fridge for over two months now, I went ahead and ate it though, because she tries so hard"
"We had nasty frozen pizza for dinner last-night, I hate cheap frozen pizza"
"My stomach isn't feeling to good today, I have to keep running to the bathroom"
I'm always asking her... why did you eat it? why don't you throw out all the bad food and buy new?
Her responses' are usually.. It isn't my house. (umm but you eat meals there.. why not contribute to buying food?)
Each and every single day for lunch.. the crazy whiner lady sits directly acrossed the table from me... and each and every day she eats the same thing for lunch.
Yogurt- if it hasn't spoiled because she keeps it in her lunch tote all day until lunch.
mixed in the yogurt... soy nuts, craisins, and mixed nuts... all bought at a discount store near her home that have expiration dates to close for my comfort.
And each and every day... she asks all of us what we are having... and says Oh that looks good.. or tells us some story.
And we all have learned not to have seafood for lunch.. because we just can't take hearing about how she went fishing on her boat at the lake and caught a cat fish and it flipped up and one of the cat fish fin or wiskars things stuck in her neck and she has to go to the hospital for emergency surgery.
Crazy whiner lady must not get out much.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Annoying people...
I don't mind helping anyone.. with whatever it is that they need help with. I work with a lady that is totally driving me bonkers, literally!
I walked past her cube today, and she asks me to help her with her e-mail.
Her: I don't understand why all of these tabs are on the top of the page when I already deleted the messages that are up there. But when I try to see one of the tabs, it tells me that the message has been deleted.
((This lady is overly dramatic about everything... she never stops talking, interrupts others with some wild goose story of her own.. and almost always has to tell some sort of story or life event that happened to her just soon as someone is done talking.. if she didnt' interrupt them to begin with))
Me: Ok, how did you delete them?
Her: well I just right clicked in the e-mail and clicked on the delete from the menu that came up.
Me: Ok, well you now have to close the tab containing the e-mail that you just deleted.
Her: Well I don't understand why I would have to do that when i already deleted the message, it should automatically close the tab.
Me: That's just how this particular e-mail program is... and explained to her once again how to do it. I even took her mouse and clicked the X on a few that were still open.
Her:Well my e-mail at home I just right click and it goes away and onto the next message.
Me: Not all e-mail programs function the same.
Two hours later...
Her: These tabs are STILL open at the top of the page.
Me: Did you click the X to close them when I showed you the first time?
Her: No
Me: (By this round I was 100% annoyed with this lady and refused to show her again.. maybe if she wasn't whining i would have) I say Call the help-desk.
Our Lead comes out of her cubicle...
Lead: whats going on?
Her: tells her everything...again
Me: (eye roll) and by now the lead is getting annoyed
Lead: call the help-desk
Lead: Just call the help desk.
Me: Call the help-desk
Another lady: Call the help-desk
Lead: would you please just call the help-desk.... maybe they have a switch they need to flip for you... LOL
Hysterical laughter ensued by all of us.. except HER. I just got the evil eyeballs.
And wouldn't you know.. the help- desk walked her through the exact same thing that I showed her to do in the first place!
Our small group contains 5 of us.. all women. I am the youngest of the group, and I'm known for my smart-ass comments. I can't seem to help my mouth when it comes to stupid people. Lately, I have to plug my mp3 player in or an audiobook to drown this lady out because I'm afraid I will really lay into her stupidity one day.
Me 34 .. youngest, smart ass, I get weird looks when I open my mouth. I guess because nobody knows what is gonna come out of my mouth.
A 52 .. the group lead, She had to ask me one day how to make the window on her pc bigger... she come sout of her cube to stand behind us and just stare at us.. "I ask her what she wants and she says she had to get up and walk around. 5 times a day? and don't you have tub after tub of paperwork that you are behind on? 14 tubs of paperwork she is behind on...Sit your ass down longer than a minute and you may just get caught up sometime soon.
B 62 .. my cube neighbor, nice christian lady, but only does what she knows she HAS to do. "We all have our own job responsibilities... none of us CHOOSE to take on the extra tasks that are given to us.
C 58 .. Crazy whiner lady that insists in telling weird stories and interrupts constantly. Has been with the company since January 09' and when she completes a job.. she still has to ask the lead what she should do next, then tries to argue with the lead about what SHE thinks she should do next. umm.. "We all know you aren't home "up there" most of the time.. but seriously?
D 45 .. New lady, complains about crazy whiner lady. Cussed me out for not going to the cafe for lunch one day and she had to take lunch with crazy whiner lady by herself because everyone else had other lunch plans... LOL "Get a life... the cafe is HUGE.. and I'm sure there was an available seat away from her"
I work circles around all of these ladies... either they are smarter and wiser in how to work... or I am just plain stupid for doing everything that I do.
I walked past her cube today, and she asks me to help her with her e-mail.
Her: I don't understand why all of these tabs are on the top of the page when I already deleted the messages that are up there. But when I try to see one of the tabs, it tells me that the message has been deleted.
((This lady is overly dramatic about everything... she never stops talking, interrupts others with some wild goose story of her own.. and almost always has to tell some sort of story or life event that happened to her just soon as someone is done talking.. if she didnt' interrupt them to begin with))
Me: Ok, how did you delete them?
Her: well I just right clicked in the e-mail and clicked on the delete from the menu that came up.
Me: Ok, well you now have to close the tab containing the e-mail that you just deleted.
Her: Well I don't understand why I would have to do that when i already deleted the message, it should automatically close the tab.
Me: That's just how this particular e-mail program is... and explained to her once again how to do it. I even took her mouse and clicked the X on a few that were still open.
Her:Well my e-mail at home I just right click and it goes away and onto the next message.
Me: Not all e-mail programs function the same.
Two hours later...
Her: These tabs are STILL open at the top of the page.
Me: Did you click the X to close them when I showed you the first time?
Her: No
Me: (By this round I was 100% annoyed with this lady and refused to show her again.. maybe if she wasn't whining i would have) I say Call the help-desk.
Our Lead comes out of her cubicle...
Lead: whats going on?
Her: tells her everything...again
Me: (eye roll) and by now the lead is getting annoyed
Lead: call the help-desk
Lead: Just call the help desk.
Me: Call the help-desk
Another lady: Call the help-desk
Lead: would you please just call the help-desk.... maybe they have a switch they need to flip for you... LOL
Hysterical laughter ensued by all of us.. except HER. I just got the evil eyeballs.
And wouldn't you know.. the help- desk walked her through the exact same thing that I showed her to do in the first place!
Our small group contains 5 of us.. all women. I am the youngest of the group, and I'm known for my smart-ass comments. I can't seem to help my mouth when it comes to stupid people. Lately, I have to plug my mp3 player in or an audiobook to drown this lady out because I'm afraid I will really lay into her stupidity one day.
Me 34 .. youngest, smart ass, I get weird looks when I open my mouth. I guess because nobody knows what is gonna come out of my mouth.
A 52 .. the group lead, She had to ask me one day how to make the window on her pc bigger... she come sout of her cube to stand behind us and just stare at us.. "I ask her what she wants and she says she had to get up and walk around. 5 times a day? and don't you have tub after tub of paperwork that you are behind on? 14 tubs of paperwork she is behind on...Sit your ass down longer than a minute and you may just get caught up sometime soon.
B 62 .. my cube neighbor, nice christian lady, but only does what she knows she HAS to do. "We all have our own job responsibilities... none of us CHOOSE to take on the extra tasks that are given to us.
C 58 .. Crazy whiner lady that insists in telling weird stories and interrupts constantly. Has been with the company since January 09' and when she completes a job.. she still has to ask the lead what she should do next, then tries to argue with the lead about what SHE thinks she should do next. umm.. "We all know you aren't home "up there" most of the time.. but seriously?
D 45 .. New lady, complains about crazy whiner lady. Cussed me out for not going to the cafe for lunch one day and she had to take lunch with crazy whiner lady by herself because everyone else had other lunch plans... LOL "Get a life... the cafe is HUGE.. and I'm sure there was an available seat away from her"
I work circles around all of these ladies... either they are smarter and wiser in how to work... or I am just plain stupid for doing everything that I do.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Still alive...
It hasn't been the most pleasant of times lately. I'm mentally exhausted and ready to throw in the towel. I still just don't get it...why a mother would teach/tell her kids to lie...hate...and manipulate. The mom isn't getting what she wants...perhaps she is un-fullfilled in her personal life that she has to have some sort of drama going on so she goes through her kids. pretty classy huh?
We have practically lived at the court house lately.. seriously.. we should both have jobs there by now as much as we have had to go there. I should have nerves of steel by now...lol
With-in the past year and a half I have counted up just how many times we have had to go to the court house... and the answer is..18. Child custody, and two restraining orders later...things are worse than before. The child custody is over now.. and we were granted the restraining orders.. but one order was violated with-in the first hour of being served...so now its back and forth again to the court house. Just how much more is it going to take for the proper people to actually do something to put a stop to these people?
Tim and I have really been through the wringer...and things just continue to get worse. Not only has our lives been threatened by this couple.. but they are working really hard at using the kids against us. The kids are now 14 and 17, and to have to call the sheriff on them for being unruly has really put things on the fire. We can't just sit back and allow two teens to walk all over us. Kids know when mom and dad can't get along that that is the best time to play both sides of the field.
When we went to court yesterday... not only do you have to sit there and witness every Joe's mistakes..but you sit there and listen to a bunch of drama...i dont need drama.. i need peace already. And of course it was continued again...we have to go back in June. The prosecutor pulled us aside yesterday and told us that they are going to "combine" all of the charges against the step dad and "try" it all at one time. He has violated the protection order which is a misdemeanor 1... then he has criminal damaging and disorderly conduct ( he threw an object at my car while I was driving) which both are some number of misdemeanors. That's 3 misdemeanors! And.. he has yet another misd. from a different case. What is it that has to happen before someone actually says.. " hey, this guy needs to be someplace else other than walking the streets of Columbus"?
This guy has a record as long as a football field.. he's been in and out of the prison system since before 1992. Breaking and entering, breaking and entering with intent, passing bad checks, theft, the list is endless.
The mind games that these people play on these kids is disgusting. And what kind of parent tells there kid to lie to the other parent? I could go on and on about what these people are doing. Its just so sad and disturbing that they are lieing to the kids and turning them against the only people in there lives that actually do the right thing no matter what.
People keep telling us to keep our heads up, and that everything is in Gods plan. I sure would like to see his blueprints!
We have practically lived at the court house lately.. seriously.. we should both have jobs there by now as much as we have had to go there. I should have nerves of steel by now...lol
With-in the past year and a half I have counted up just how many times we have had to go to the court house... and the answer is..18. Child custody, and two restraining orders later...things are worse than before. The child custody is over now.. and we were granted the restraining orders.. but one order was violated with-in the first hour of being served...so now its back and forth again to the court house. Just how much more is it going to take for the proper people to actually do something to put a stop to these people?
Tim and I have really been through the wringer...and things just continue to get worse. Not only has our lives been threatened by this couple.. but they are working really hard at using the kids against us. The kids are now 14 and 17, and to have to call the sheriff on them for being unruly has really put things on the fire. We can't just sit back and allow two teens to walk all over us. Kids know when mom and dad can't get along that that is the best time to play both sides of the field.
When we went to court yesterday... not only do you have to sit there and witness every Joe's mistakes..but you sit there and listen to a bunch of drama...i dont need drama.. i need peace already. And of course it was continued again...we have to go back in June. The prosecutor pulled us aside yesterday and told us that they are going to "combine" all of the charges against the step dad and "try" it all at one time. He has violated the protection order which is a misdemeanor 1... then he has criminal damaging and disorderly conduct ( he threw an object at my car while I was driving) which both are some number of misdemeanors. That's 3 misdemeanors! And.. he has yet another misd. from a different case. What is it that has to happen before someone actually says.. " hey, this guy needs to be someplace else other than walking the streets of Columbus"?
This guy has a record as long as a football field.. he's been in and out of the prison system since before 1992. Breaking and entering, breaking and entering with intent, passing bad checks, theft, the list is endless.
The mind games that these people play on these kids is disgusting. And what kind of parent tells there kid to lie to the other parent? I could go on and on about what these people are doing. Its just so sad and disturbing that they are lieing to the kids and turning them against the only people in there lives that actually do the right thing no matter what.
People keep telling us to keep our heads up, and that everything is in Gods plan. I sure would like to see his blueprints!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Cousin Daniel..
Daniel Lee Harper- March 31, 1991-April 26,2010I'm not sure I, or anyone else has the right answers when someone dies. Especially when someone takes there own life...it makes it that much harder to understand the "why's" and "what ifs". Just 19 years old, an entire life ahead of him. No matter how big or how small the issues were, he felt it was just to much.
He came from a HUGE family, and nobody knew just how painful, regretful, or confusing life was for him. When I first heard the news, I honestly thought it was some sick joke. But my mother isn't going to pull some sick joke on me. Second, I didn't know if I should continue crying, or be so mad at our family. We come from a rather large family and I just kept thinking.. "how on earth does something like this happen when there are oodles of us and nobody picked up on any signs of depression or despair? It's tragic, and nobody will ever know. R.I.P.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Looking for the light...
Life has been far from interesting lately. I really don't want to "hash" it all up here... I'm pretty sure anyone that would read about my "un-interesting" life events lately would click to the next blog.
So, to be brief about it... Life right now really stinks. Why do people try and turn your world upside down any chance that they get?
Life is what we ourselves make it.. but right now the anxiety and stress is taking me over, and I can't even see a glimmer of hope in the future.
Tim and I are going to counseling to better deal with difficult people.. we can't stand to be in our own home right now because of 2 certain people constantly calling our home and starting arguments. Hang up the phone you say? We do.. then the phone rings again.. and again. Change your phone number you may suggest... we have. But you cant change your phone number when there are kids involved and the other parent needs a contact number.
They don't like the current child custody rules.. so therefore they don't follow them.
So, to be brief about it... Life right now really stinks. Why do people try and turn your world upside down any chance that they get?
Life is what we ourselves make it.. but right now the anxiety and stress is taking me over, and I can't even see a glimmer of hope in the future.
Tim and I are going to counseling to better deal with difficult people.. we can't stand to be in our own home right now because of 2 certain people constantly calling our home and starting arguments. Hang up the phone you say? We do.. then the phone rings again.. and again. Change your phone number you may suggest... we have. But you cant change your phone number when there are kids involved and the other parent needs a contact number.
They don't like the current child custody rules.. so therefore they don't follow them.
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